It’s usually the first question that comes up when you meet someone new.
“So, what do you do?”
It’s not a bad question, but it’s an easy one. We ask it out of habit.
Psychologists call this uncertainty reduction. When we don’t know someone, our brains look for quick ways to make sense of them. Job titles make that simple. They tell us who someone is supposed to be.
But it’s not always just curiosity. Sometimes we subconsciously use jobs to gauge where someone stands or how much respect they deserve.
The problem is, what someone does for work only tells you so much. You learn what they do for money, not who they are or what they actually care about.
I still catch myself asking it too. It’s automatic. Sometimes I’ll realize halfway through that I don’t really care what the other person does. I just asked because it feels like the default thing to say.
There are better ways to get to know someone. You can ask what they’ve been learning, what’s been keeping them busy, or what they’re curious about lately. Those questions tell you far more than a title ever could.
We lead with work because it’s convenient. It helps us sort people quickly. But if we stopped doing that, maybe we’d start seeing them for who they are and remind ourselves that we’re more than what we do too.
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