How To Be A Professional Stay-At-Home Daughter

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Girl eating pizza on a coach depicting dealing with graduation anxiety by GradSimple.

You’re laying in bed, and it’s 10-ish at night on a Tuesday in April. You’ve been laying on your arm for so long it’s starting to tingle, and your eyes are hurting from scrolling through Tiktok for the past 2 hours. You probably have your laptop open as well, with Netflix playing an episode of The Office that you’ve seen at least 12 times before, but it’s comforting and distracting and familiar.

Even with the dual-wielding screens, the comfy bed, the window open with a nice evening breeze rustling your curtains, you feel a lead pit in your abdomen. Right in your upper pelvis, lower stomach area. It won’t go away, no matter how many cake decorating, slime making, kinetic sand cutting videos you scroll past while Jim Halpert stares at you out of the corner of your eye.

You’re me. And you are absolutely plagued with anxiety about life after graduating from college.

I’m just baby

I’m now expected to start working at a big girl job for adults who know how to do a SWOT analysis. 

What the heck??? Why am I being robbed of my youth? Shouldn’t I be trick or treating, coming home from school on a Friday and watching cartoons, and impatiently waiting for Santa to come eat the cookies I left out for him (and his reindeer too, of course)?

No, dude. I’m the adult who should know how Excel formulas work! That’s supposed to be ME!! My generation is becoming the next doctors, accountants, engineers, film makers, historians – and I have to join them and become a productive member of society.

What if I move to the woods in Alaska and learn how to run a self-sustaining farm completely off grid…I could ride around in a sled. I could have a team of like 9 huskies. I’d name one of them Snowball, he would be the leader of the pack and would be super strong but with a heart of gold. I already love him.

PhD in Daughter Studies

I know how to cook, I can clean. I can walk the family dog. I could be like a live-in maid and do all of their housework. I can run errands and schedule appointments. They just have to house me and let me eat their food, take me on their vacations, and pay me a salary, of course. A modest $10,000 per month should do it –-

*record scratch*

Jesus. Okay. 

We’re all just babies who like to watch kinetic sand videos. We’re terrified that we won’t be able to make the leap from iPad kid to functioning adult. But here’s the thing, we have to do it. Somehow.

All while dealing with dwindling opportunities for entry level work experience, a cost of living crisis that’s forcing people into survival mode, increasingly complex hiring pipelines–

You get me.

I guess what I’m trying to say is: what the f*@k should we do now? What should we do, either during college or as a new grad, to build practical skills and knowledge while also (ideally) making money while ALSO being, you know, happy?

Fantastic question, glad you asked.

Haven’t you heard? Everyone is talking about it. WHAT? You don’t know? Come here, closer, closer, too close. Back up. Okay, here’s the news: GradSimple is building something special for people who want to find purpose in their lives. Sounds awesome, right? You should totally sign up for the waitlist.

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Head Writer and Editor for GradSimple. She also translates all of Ricky's incoherent raccoon ramblings into readable content (newsletter subscribers know what's up).

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